Since last time I wrote on here, my passion towards yoga has grown exponentially. I definitely feel like a happier and more balanced version of myself. I set aside time for myself to practice at least twice a day. I am definitely the kind of person who has a tendency towards obsession. I remember when I first got into bodybuilding, I would go to the gym for two hours a day, every day.
Ever since I got into yoga, I quit smoking and I now follow a vegan diet. I no longer look for quick fixes and no longer believe that stress is necessary to get things done. While these are not conscious beliefs of mine, I believe that by looking inwards, I was able to learn a lot about myself that I had previously neglected. My daily meditation is now a time for solace and quiet contemplation that I used to reserve for when I had my cigarette and cup of coffee. I now sit on my mat and observe myself as my thoughts come by my mind, slowly withering away like bubbles as I silently and non-judgmentally quiet the stream of thoughts that I once associated myself to.
Looking inwards has allowed me to give myself permission to accept a lot of things about myself that I once hated. I learnt that by giving myself time and space to breathe, I can allow for more meaningful connection with others who may not be on the same path as mine. To understand myself means accepting things that I once hated to be not a result of my own shortcomings, but a result of my lack of awareness regarding what it truly means for myself to be at my happiest. I think that I associated myself, Tara, to anxiety and to my moods that would escalate throughout the day while not really having an understanding of who the person who would experience the moods was.
By looking inwards and observing myself through a lens that was often scary for me to look into, I learnt that I am not separate from the world around me. I learnt that by breathing and look into a space that is inside of me. I do not know how to put into words such an experience. I think that when you first decide to breathe and look inwards for answers, you make a commitment to yourself that goes beyond anything you can imagine, for it is by looking inwards that you truly make changes that you need, if that makes any sense. I don’t think I could really put into words what yoga has done for me on a level of understanding the world around me and to actually and I mean truly understand and see things as they are and not as I once thought they were.
We are not separate from each other nor are we any different from one another in terms of needs. I learnt that privilege and ego are nothing compared to love and basic understanding. I also have come to realise that manifesting a life beyond luxury is more meaningful and that by following a vegan diet I can actually manifest what I want out of my life which is to truly live and not just eat for necessity. I learnt that by making food choices that reflect my desire to contribute to a better world, I am making the kind of impact that I longed for back when I was smoking and eating unhealthy foods.
To redirect my purpose from surviving to contributing and thriving has allowed me to take a look at what really needs to change in my life. To follow my own path does not mean abandoning my intellect or looking for someone outside of myself to guide me, it simply means to allow myself to be as I am, in the whole fucked up absurdity that is Tara, which by questioning is really nothing but a manifestation of the world around me. I relate climate change to the spectrum of human emotions. I now relate a lot of things to our physical desires. I think that our inwards states are created by meat industries, big pharma, and tobacco/sugar as all of these industries do not give a crap about us. It is my belief that by accepting the idea that I am worthy, I am contributing to the bigger cause which is to end the slow degradation of the planet. By breathing, I remember to strive towards love and abundance (our natural state) and to let fear (fight or flight response) dissipate, which in reality, is what those industries need to create in order to profit.
My hope is that we all take strides towards evolution and away from over-consumption. By following a vegan diet, quitting smoking and committing to my daily yoga practice, I no longer suffer from physical withdrawal symptoms from quitting nicotine+my meds and I feel great.
I attribute all of these positive changes to myself to committing to a daily practice that has honestly changed my whole outlook on life. I encourage you to really think twice about what you want out of your life, it is short, if I have any advice to anyone who really wants to make a change in this world, it would start with loving, or learning to love yourself.
Please do one of these daily and you will notice more calmness and positivity in your life:
Meditate for at least 5 minutes a day. Find a quiet space and sit in a comfortable position. Close your eyes and take a breathe. After you breathe, I want you to direct your attention towards your breathe and if you notice your mind wander, re-direct your attention towards your breath. Relax as you observe your thoughts and redirect your attention to your breathe as you notice your body. Direct your attention towards your toes, feet, lower extremities, abdomen, lungs. Notice how you are a silent observer and watch the thoughts slowly wither as you are in absolute calmness. Practice this daily. The more you master the art of silent observation, the more grounded you feel and more in touch with your actual self.
Eliminate sugar and processed food from your diet. Your skin, weight and mood will improve.
Please remember to practice self-love. Have it be a day at the spa or watching Netflix. Remember that you are enough. You are enough even at your worst, be your own best friend and know that you are never alone.